Zero Waste Toilet Paper
Let’s talk about everyone’s favorite topic—wiping. Specifically, how we’ve all just accepted that toilet paper is the way to do it—despite the fact that it’s expensive, wasteful, and honestly… kind of gross? Like, if you got poop on your hand, you wouldn’t just wipe it off with a dry paper towel and continue on with your day, right? So why do we do that with our butts?
And one thing I will never understand is when people use toilet paper to blow their nose or whatever and then throw it in the garbage can. Like… just throw it in the toilet?? Where it dissolves?? Instead of letting it sit in your trash, getting all gross, and creating more work for yourself? And yeah, I’ve heard the argument—"It’ll clog the toilet if you put too much in!" Okay, sure. But… how much are you using to blow your nose that it’s a legitimate plumbing concern?? What am I missing??
Anyway, back to wiping….I want to warn you that even if you’re using “zero-waste” toilet paper, none of it is ever truly zero waste. It’s just a more sustainable option—kind of. And if you’re someone who really values soft, thick toilet paper, I hate to break it to you, but in my experience, there are no zero-waste alternatives that deliver that level of luxury. But if you are willing to rough it out, then keep on reading.
Bamboo TP
When I first started my zero-waste journey, bamboo toilet paper was the hot new thing. Bamboo grows something like 35 inches a day, while trees only manage 12–24 inches a year. Naturally, bamboo quickly became the sustainability poster child—especially for toilet paper.
Here are the quick pros and cons: Pros - Bamboo grows faster than trees, it requires less water and pesticides to process, and it typically comes wrapped in paper (I wonder if the paper it comes wrapped in is also made of bamboo?). Cons - It might take more energy and chemicals to turn bamboo into paper than it would a tree.
Naturally, I gave it a shot. Did it come wrapped in plastic? Nope. Was it sustainable? Sort of. How did it feel? Like tissue paper. Did I endure months of using the thinnest, roughest toilet paper known to humankind for the sake of the planet? Absolutely. Would I buy it again? Absolutely not.
If you don’t care about your toilet paper being soft or thick, I’d suggest giving brands like Who Gives a Crap or Reel a try. Both offer plastic-free, bamboo-based options that are more eco-friendly than conventional TP. Just know what you’re getting into— functionality, not luxury.
100% Recycled TP
Recycled TP is exactly what it sounds like—100% recycled paper turned into toilet paper. Like bamboo TP, a handful of brands offer it packaged in cardboard or more paper. Which makes me wonder… how do they manage to make recycled toilet paper feel kind of soft compared to regular paper? And why is that, similar to bamboo TP, it too feels like wiping with printer paper?
That said, you can buy both bamboo and recycled options in bulk. For example, ULINE sells 96 rolls for $65. Is that a good deal? I think so? Honestly, who even knows what the going rate for 96 rolls of toilet paper should be?
But since I barely buy toilet paper these days, I’m not exactly up-to-date on the latest and greatest in TP innovation. If you’ve got a recommendation, let me know. And if you’re wondering what I mean by “I barely buy toilet paper”…I’ll explain below.
Rags
Some zero-wasters take their bathroom experience to the extreme—like not using toilet paper at all and only using rags to wipe themselves. Is that how COVID started? People literally use rags, wash them, and use them again. I guess it’s not that wild if you think about reusable diapers…but we’ve really got to draw the line somewhere. Thankfully, the families that I have seen do this designate specific rags to specific people. For example, mom will get the grey rags, while dad gets the brown rags or something.
But as weird as it is, I kind of get it and I’m sort of halfway there. My boyfriend and I don’t buy toilet paper unless we’re having guests over, but you will never find a poop stained rag in my home.
"But how do you wipe your ass?" Glad you asked…
Bidets
We use a bidet. What’s a bidet? Imagine someone hosing down your butt with a tiny, super-targeted garden hose. Except the hose is attached to your toilet, you’re the one in control, and there’s no weird neighbor involved. Twist a knob, water shoots out, you adjust the pressure, and voilà—clean coochie and butt.
I thrifted one of these bad boys (new in the box—before anyone accuses me of buying a used bidet) for just $9 back in 2018, and honestly, it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to my ass.
Bidets are amazing. It’s like giving your butt a mini shower every time you use the bathroom and now when I don’t have one I feel disgusting. They’ve been around since the 17th century in France and are now practically a standard in Japan, where they’ve truly perfected the experience. We’re talking heated seats, adjustable water pressure, built-in air dryers, and some even play music. Meanwhile, in the U.S., we’re still out here wiping like it’s the Stone Age.
If you’ve never tried one, you’re missing out. Once you go bidet, it’s hard to go back. It’s cleaner, more sustainable, and honestly… kind of life-changing. And using a bidet with rags is the only way I can make sense of that lifestyle choice.
At the end of the day, how you wipe is your business (unless you feel like sharing in the comments). But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there are better options than the overpriced, plastic-wrapped rolls we’ve all been conditioned to buy. Whether you go for bamboo, recycled, a bidet, or (if you’re really committed) the reusable route, small swaps add up.
